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Topics in red are in Anything Goes and may contain mature content. So... You know... Expect the worst.
Joined: Jan 12, 2007 Posts: 105 Location: Not from here anymore.
Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:06 am Post subject: "The World Order" PROLOGUE
Hi guys. I've began writing this story with the title "The World Order". Here's a brief prologue to start us off. Let me know what you think, please!
_______________________________
Santun Ywhet lay on the operating table, unconscious and in critical condition. Men and women in white uniforms stood around him, muttering technical terms to each other and connecting his body to circulation machines. He was rapidly losing blood from the wound in his lower stomach - the robotic blood-collection system tried to contain the flow to no avail. His breathing ceased. A sharp tone rang from a nearby readout. The air was hot with futility and despair. No one spoke.
SANTUN CHAMING YWHET
DECEASED 1:03 PM 6/02/2043
THIRTY FOUR YEARS OF AGE
CAUSE OF DEATH GUNSHOT WOUND
Consolation was given to grieving relatives and the tragic news was given to the vigil of thousands outside the building.
A state funeral was held that following weekend, an occasion of great bombast and majesty. A throng of the previously hopeful masses mourned their fallen leader, political savior, and close friend. Ywhet had been given
titles such as "Savior" and "Our Father". He was considered to be the greatest leader in human history. He was perfect. He was indestructible. No one could possibly think of taking him away from the world.
The thought that he would never be back to heal the wounds of civilization led to inconsolable grief among the masses in every region of the World Order...a political bastion of sorts that rose from the ashes of destruction, hate, and corruption, now left in its infancy and with an uncertain, frightening future.
The speech given at that historic ceremony ended with the words, "Our future as a human race depended on the leadership of Santun Ywhet.
Make sure you actually want to use the word 'bombast' there. Also, I love cyberpunk so i'm x'ing my fingers for a swing that way (We've already got near future and devastation, just need some big corporations now!). Might want to think about changing the sentence after his death info, "His relatives were consoled and then the tragic news was.." or something.."consolation was given" does strange things to my brain. What is the origin of the name?? Not a culture I recognize. _________________ <-Tri/_p
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