*Warning* Teenage Love Poetry Ahead...

dsheets

Whenever her face came into view
Out the window, opportunities flew
For I ignored chances for me
To make one plus one to equal two.

I took step one
Forbidden love is done.
I’m all for you now,
Even though it’s only just begun

Doth our true love be our only weakness?
Our happiness around each other be what drives us into bleakness?
Conversation flows when commitment doesn’t exist,
Does it make sense to abstain from that kiss?

If two love each other so
Which makes their knees buckle
And their tongues not flow,
Can nervousness be overcome, by which direction they go?

Take the road which leads down date lane
Or leave us unto the path of friendship,
Which as affectionate friends, we will always remain.

In conclusion to my poem of adolescent infatuation,
which as silly as it sounds, has a motive of ulterior preoccupation…
Don’t leave yourself wondering if what can be should,
Instead, take a leap and go where you never thought you could.

----

Meh?

[deleted user] · Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 12:32 pm Post subject:

i think that was just okay... but mostly because i don't like rhyming poems unless they're made into songs...

there's some good stuff, but there are a lot of clunker lines.

it starts out pretty good, and proceedingly changes in flow...the last paragraph seemed kind of unneccessary.

hey, here's stuff by me in the same vein...only it's a song that i've recorded though. that explains the repeating lines.

__________________________________

Burning Bridges

I'll meet you in the sky
Sparkling, spinning in your eyes
Like an apple cast away by a tree
curling in the wind, come back to me

Capture these things I've missed
I'll let you keep the rest
They're playing somewhere on a silver screen
I can't explain these feelings that come over me

I swore that you were to blame
I thought you were up to something
But it's me, burning bridges
with the spark you create
with the wave of your hand

It's over and it's gone
Woven deep in sparkling song
Of rainbow arch and watery grey
Toppling over into the sea

Take me into the air
in peace without worry or care
Twisting, devouring the electric rain
In blinding colors of a child's game

I swear that you're to blame
I think you're up to something
But it's me, burning bridges
Words reaching through tunnels
to escape my mouth at last

Keep this feeling sealed away,
I don't think I'll be ready anytime soon
Keep this feeling sealed away,
I don't think I'll be ready anytime soon

I swore that you were to blame
I thought you were up to something
But it's me, burning bridges
with the spark you create
with the wave of your hand

***Joe the Peacock*** · Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 8:31 pm Post subject:

I like both of these - the 1-1-2-1 pattern in dsheet's poem was interesting. Just a "joe" thing, I tend to like more allusion and metaphor in my poetry, and I also think Opium's statement about "rhyming poetry" is funny (poetry, by definition, rhymes. Rhyme is meter, and sometimes the meter rhymes in ways you don't quite realize rhymes. But it's rhyme

)

I liked opium's lyrics too, though I really tend to want to hear it set to the music before I can 'get' it.

I don't know how to write poetry, but I do have a favorite:

roses are red
violets are blue
some poems rhyme
some don't.

[deleted user] · Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:07 am Post subject:

i'll send you the song, joe.

DarkAngela · Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 9:53 am Post subject:

Oh, noes, can't you post it? I wanna hear!
_________________
"A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have." -Pres. Ford

[deleted user] · Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 10:24 pm Post subject:

i don't know how to post it here. maybe i'll put it on my myspace music profile then put the link up here.

easily-amused · Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject:

Teehee, I love your poem Joe. This one doesn't rhyme but carries a lot of sentimental value.

Can you see the moon tonight love?
It's right there in your eyes.
far away the distance closes
Hindered to your sweet device

falter, foreign to my touch
it's been a while, have you noticed?
Still your skin it feels familiar
it always will sweet Anthony

blue, brown, gold, serene
Tonight its what I feel around me
Never sorrow, sweet surrenders
build up the night around us.

Yes, I know about the capitalization, for some reason I just feel like it flows that way.

Oddly enough I don't know anyone named Anthony.

DarkAngela · Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 12:56 am Post subject:

Maybe you had some kind of psychic moment...and your future husband's name is Anthony.

_________________
"A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have." -Pres. Ford