If you want to read the contenders for past chapters (and read ALL the non-winning stories for the first book), register for an account! It's free, easy, and safe!
And what kind of author wouldn't give you samples of his first book?
All this and more can be found in: Mentally Incontinent The first book from this website
Would you like to be notified when new stories come out? Want to read all the stories that didn't make it into the last chapter (or the rest of the book... Or the last book)? Register or Login!
The Forums:
Topics in red are in Anything Goes and may contain mature content. So... You know... Expect the worst.
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:28 am Post subject: The Doctors
Hello all! Just another little story that I hope you enjoy! Emm... it's a bit odd, but... well, I hope you think it's good anyway. XD And as always, corrections and suggestions and criticism and the like are always welcome! ^___________________^
“Drink this,” they said, half-hidden in the shadows. The table glistened, reflecting the minimal lighting of the room. It all seemed so simple - a little one ounce glass of a liquid that smelled faintly of vodka. “It’ll cure all of your troubles for good.” Someone coughed. “Or, rather, is the first step towards curing your troubles.” Still he hesitated. What type of doctors dressed in suits and diagnosed people in barely lit conference rooms? “It will not harm you, sir. You will never feel any pain under our treatment. Surely you want to get rid of that nervous disposition you've acquired?”
That decided him. Raising his glass in a “cheers!” motion, he downed it in one gulp. Disappointingly, it tasted of nothing, plainer than water. “Could be worse,” he thought, and smiled grimly.
The others around the table watched him like hawks. When they saw him smile, they stood up in one organized movement and somehow maneuvered him out the door without him realizing. “That will be all, sir, have a good day. We’ll see you again in 10 days, no more, no less.” Their voices dropped, the words slithering out and hissing, barely audible adders. “Have a good day, sir.”
Shoved out into the bright sunlight, he half-stumbled, half-ran to the peaceful sanctum of his house.
The next week proved to be an interesting time. For the first day and a half or so, he felt no different. “Quacks, the lot of them,” he would often mutter to himself.” Nothing miraculous happened to him, no sudden breaks in his lethargy.
And then, slowly, he started to gain energy, the will to actually do things again. He wanted to get out of bed in the morning, to go places and see new things. The last time he felt this way was… Well, before she was gone, in any case. Funny how one person could have that much of an effect on a person. “Perhaps they aren’t quacks,” he would hum in a sing-song fashion as he jogged to the local gym. His depression was gone, something he thought he’d have to live with forever.
No longer did he have his usual nightmares, also; for once he was actually able to sleep through the night without waking up in a cold sweat, shaking and gripping his pillows and crying. No matter how much he cried, though, he could never stop the screech of brakes, the impact, the explosion. Not that he experienced it himself, oh no… how often he wished he had, though! To have made her stay home, to let him go out that day instead. It was scarce comfort that she was beyond suffering now; while he suffered daily, at least she was at peace. That was the only comfort he had, though; while his waking mind was logical enough to accept that, he still woke up night after night with the nightmare. In his less sane moments he even believed her spirit sent him the last few memories she had of life; for what reason he didn’t know, but there was no dealing with himself in those moods.
But gone were the nightmares - one last dream of a sweet kiss and her fading away, then nights’ worth of uninterrupted sleep. Combined with his extra energy, life was pretty good. Not perfect by far, but livable - finally.
By day five he had reached the peak of his energy, what he could handle with ease. He went about his day with an passion he hadn’t felt in ages, and still had plenty energy left at the end of the day for things he wanted to do. Silently he wished he had slightly less, but it was far better having too much than too little.
But it continued to grow; by day seven he couldn’t sit still, was very impatient when he had to be in the same place, the same position, for too long. The day after that, he started to notice things vibrating when he walked by them, or leaned against. Tables shook visibly, glasses and cups hummed, crystal vases sang out. By the end of the day the energy was an audible force, making the air around him buzz and hum from the strength of it. People noticed it, and instinctively made sure to stay well away from him; children pointed and stared. He could barely wait to get home at the end of the day.
But finally he was free to retreat to his once-again sanctum. Nearly sobbing, he rang the doctor’s office and rudely demanded the secretary to put one of them on. After a few moments of hemming and hawing, one of the doctors did finally agree to listen. After 10 minutes of him ranting, the doctor laughed rather coldly. “My dear sir, you have a follow-up appointment in two days. We cannot see you before then, and we certainly do not expect to see you after that point. Understood? You will be fine. It’s just an incomplete change. All will be fine in the end.” A click, then silence. After looking at the dead receiver in his hand for a few seconds, he threw it at the wall and went to bed. What else could he do?
The next day was spent curled up in bed, trying to ignore the ever-increasing humming coming from the air around him.
On the day of his appointment, he mad sure to be at the doctors’ as soon as the office opened. Still, they made him wait, even though one doctor or another walked by him quite frequently. Finally, though, he was brought into the same conference room, sat around the same table. The only difference was that the room was decidedly less full than last time. One noticed his puzzled expression. “They are all… away.”
“On business,” another broke in.
“Quite. We three were left behind to keep the practice running smoothly. We do not make a habit of abandoning patients, sir. I had hoped that, in your condition, you would appreciate that.” The other two nodded, and all his anger melted away. Sure, why not? They had to care, right? And what was happening had to be a part of the treatment, or they would have seen him sooner. It made sense, sure.
“The next step is quite crucial, sir. One more glass.” Another shot glass was slid in front of him, this time filled with a blue liquid smelling faintly of peaches. “One swallow, and you’re done. We would suggest though, sir, of avoiding any… catalysts… on the way home. At this point you are quite unstable, and we cannot be responsible for what happens. You understand, of course?” He nodded and gulped the glass down before he could even think about it; the low murmur they spoke in was half-hypnotizing. Again he was shuffled out the door and onto the street without realizing how. The humming was gone, thankfully; instead, the air around him was filled with a hyperactive stillness that was disturbing in its own way. Still, at least it wasn’t as bad as the humming. Stillness he could take.
“Still,” he mused, standing on a corner waiting for the light to turn green. “What did they mean by…” Before his mind could finish the thought, though, it knew. Directly across the street stood her, looking as calm as ever, as if the crash never happened. “Becca….” he whispered, standing still from shock. Time stood still with him, the hyperactive stillness surrounding him expanded, surrounding those closest to him, then the surrounding blocks, then the whole city. A pause, then the largest and quietest explosion ever witnessed - gently reducing the area to nothing in seconds, painlessly reducing everything to dust and particles.
Later, reporters and researchers alike were puzzled as to the nature of the blast. It obliterated the entire island and parts of the surrounding states, yet there was no direct center, no center of impact, no nuclear traces. Just a slight crater and dust, nothing less fine than ash. The cause of it, obliterated as well, completely undetectable. What they failed to notice was a tiny message, sent out at the exact moment the blast happened. “It is done.”
And across the world, in major cities and populated areas, in half-lit rooms around tables, well-dressed people followed the story and proceedings, sat back, sighed contentedly. Untraceable. Devastating. Perfect.
Last edited by AnimeFan on Fri Jul 25, 2008 4:08 am; edited 3 times in total
neofox87 I do not care about custom titles, not one... HEY! NO! Don't make this my title! I SAID I DON'T CARE OMG STOP
Down's Syndrome Gangsta 4 L1f3
Joined: Feb 27, 2005 Posts: 726
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 2:44 am Post subject:
The explosive chemical has too many parts that must be administered to be logical as a murder weapon (it's highly effective, but not logical). Otherwise I enjoyed the story very much.
Joined: Dec 23, 2004 Posts: 795 Location: Clermont, Fish Lake
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 4:52 am Post subject:
Two doses of chemicals is not overly complicated. An orbital ION cannon is overly complicated. I take it you don't read much post-singularity SF.
In any case, yes I agree that the end is a bit rushed, but it's suitable for a traditional short-short sf as it relies on the reader to make the connection. _________________ Military intelligence/Two words combined which can't make sense...
And Neo-kun, think about it: two doses, one that tastes of nothing, one that tastes just slightly of peaches. It could be administered anywhere, really: to a regular at one of those smoothie/milkshake places you see everywhere (or anyone who tends to order fruity-tasting drinks often at a specific place, not limited to cocktails at bars and all), medine in hospitals or institutions, schools, vaccinations, etc..... Glad you liked it, though! ^_________________^
*laughs* And meh, I'll still play around with the ending a bit, but I guess you're right about that....... XD
Emm.... "soon".... keep writing paragraphs here and there for the stories in that series, but can't really focus on one particular one at the moment for some reason...... XD
So, more written of more stories is better in the long run than a single paragraph then blankness for a single story, ne?
That being saiiiiiiiiiiid..... there's about a page or more of Dmitri written, but not really enough to post yet......
And Neo-kun, think about it: two doses, one that tastes of nothing, one that tastes just slightly of peaches. It could be administered anywhere, really: to a regular at one of those smoothie/milkshake places you see everywhere (or anyone who tends to order fruity-tasting drinks often at a specific place, not limited to cocktails at bars and all), medine in hospitals or institutions, schools, vaccinations, etc.....
A fuzzy navel would certainly be a tasty delivery system based on the flavors of the doses. Mmm...haven't had one of those in years. Of course now I'll be worried that I'll asplode if I have one!
DarkAngela Fights LightAngela for World Domination (changed by MaggotHex)
Joined: Sep 02, 2005 Posts: 1759 Location: Palm Beach, Florida
Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 12:06 am Post subject:
Love the story. Is there a reason they're killing him? Or killing the area?
One small typo: "On the day of his appointment, he mad sure to be at the doctors’ as soon as the office opened."
made _________________ "A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have." -Pres. Ford
I like. I'm more for poetry and songs myself so I admire that you do stories. _________________ What she sees are my faults and indecisions, my insecure conditions, and the tears upon my pillow that I shed.
-Blessid Union of Souls
"Hey Leonardo"
*grins* Awww, you won't asplode, Callie! *cough* Probably.
Thankies DA! ^______________^ And no particular reason, really. He was just a test subject, and they're just another nameless entity that wants to bring down the world (pick whatever one you want, really, fictional or not, people imagine plenty of different ones.... XD ).
Awww, thankies EA! XD *grins* To be honest, poetry and songs are a lot harder, so you're the one to be admired here! ^_______________^
And Neo-kun: Yes. Yes, they could be made in that form, I guess (it would take a bit longer for them to... emm.. absorb into the body, though, ne? XD ). And yes it would taste like peaches... except why that would be found out, I'm not too sure.... to each their own, ne? XD
neofox87 I do not care about custom titles, not one... HEY! NO! Don't make this my title! I SAID I DON'T CARE OMG STOP
Down's Syndrome Gangsta 4 L1f3
Joined: Feb 27, 2005 Posts: 726
Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:06 pm Post subject:
AnimeFan wrote:
And Neo-kun: Yes. Yes, they could be made in that form, I guess (it would take a bit longer for them to... emm.. absorb into the body, though, ne? XD ). And yes it would taste like peaches... except why that would be found out, I'm not too sure.... to each their own, ne? XD
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum