If so, here's the deal:

What you're looking at is a book-in-progress. I write stories, I post them here, you read them and help me edit them, then you vote on which ones you want to end up in the book. It's easy, right?

If you haven't yet read any of the stories, I recommend you read the rest of these FAQ's, then read The Wal-Mart Story. After that, everything will make a lot more sense :)

Mentally Incontinent is a book in the making. There is already one book from the project (titled, appropriately enough, "Mentally Incontinent". You can read more about it and it's history HERE or buy a copy HERE, or at your local bookstore.

Every month, I try to post between 4 and 6 stories to the site. At the end of the posting period, a vote is held where the members of the site pick their favorite (well... the story that sucked the least, really). The winning story for that vote then becomes the next chapter in the book we are working on. The new book is tentatively titled "Still Mentally Incontinent" and is now being published through Penguin Books' imprint Gotham Books in 2008.

It got its name due to the fact that my brain never, ever shuts up, and as a consequence, I usually end up just rambling on and on about whatever stories pop into my mind.

This whole thing started one day with a stupid story about a porn video that my parents' busted me with that I never even got to watch. The story was emailed out to a few friends, who sent it to a few friends, so on and so forth. Eventually, I put it up on an old domain I had so that I wouldn't have to email it around anymore (If you got here via hecticplanet.com - yes, this site used to be that site. It's a long story). Then one day, I figured "Hmm... Maybe I'll write another story." And so I did. Eventually, I had about 20 or so stories on the site, each one just as bad as the other. Someone told me that I should collect them into a book, and I liked the idea - but, as you will soon see, I'm not one to do things the normal way. I figured, rather than stick a bunch of cruddy stories into a book, why not let people pick which ones suck least and let THOSE go into the book?"

Well, you're kinda doing it right now. The very first thing you do here is read, although I'm more than certain you're going to get a bit more satisfaction out of reading stories than out of reading these FAQ's. After you've read some stories, you'll probably want to let me know what you think of them, or if you're a stickler for details, point out the slightly-more-than-occasional grammar or spelling error. You'll probably also want to vote on a story or two to include in the book. To do that, Just sign up for a username. You will need only to choose a username and supply an email address where you can get your password if you ever lose it.

If you want to supply other information, that would rock. It will serve to further build out your profile and allow you to communicate with the other nuts who joined this site, but none of it is manditory. Your information goes NOWHERE once you sign up. I will NEVER EVER sell or give away any of your information. Ever.

Yeah, I think so!

Everything I write is based on stuff from my life. I've lived through some pretty insane things, and this is my attempt to either reconcile the tough memories, or make people laugh with the silly ones.

That said, this is not a journalistic account of the events that have spanned from the day I was born until now. I change names, I change descriptions, I embellish and I spice up dialogue. This is a book, and it needs to be entertaining. So, with all of that said, if you get what I'm doing here - great. If you don't, and it makes you feel more comfortable, treat this like a work of fiction. Either way, as long as you laugh, my goals are satisfied.

I make everything up. It's all fiction.

I'm usually involved in no fewer than 20 projects at any given moment. The fact that you have to read this FAQ to find out what any of them are should give you a relatively good indication as to how successful any of them have been :P For the most part, I design user interactions for money (please note, this site is NOT a testimony to my talents... When you write code and design stuff for people all day, the last thing you want to do when you get home is more of the same). When I'm not doing that, I write stories for this site (Mentally Incontinent) and daydream of what the cover of the next book is going to look like. I also play football and draw a bit. I've also written a number of novels and books, including:

• The Sanctimonious Testimony of All Those In Favor
• Parole Juste Pas au Cheval: An American's Guide to Eating in France
• Lachrymology for Dummies (Alt. Title: Sniffle And Smile)
• Sweet Tea and Me!: A Children's Reference to the Joys of Caffeine
• Bring Em Young (And Other Misheard College Names)
• Wilford Brimley, Oat Lord: The Man, The Myth, The Legend
• Jay's My Friend, Jay's A Furry: How to Cope With Your Friend's Alternate Lifestyle Choice
• Mow My Lawn, Bitch!: Getting The Most From Your Linux Enthusiast
• Leggo My Ego!
• Breakin' 3: Electric Boogaloo 2 (The Novel)
• Soon - The Book

No, I do not update every day.

Sorry.

Yes it's real, No it's not automated, and by all means -- you should definitely reply!

One of the most common -- and saddest, I think -- things I hear when I welcome new members is that this is the only website they've ever been to where the guy running the place says "Hi." I don't get that. Perhaps it's just how my mother raised me, but if someone drops by your place to sit for a bit, you should at least welcome them. Personally, I've never joined a community / club / society / what-have-you and not been at least welcomed. If I ever did, I'm certain I wouldn't stick around there long.

--coming soon--

Yeah, I know it sounds like a term I invented to attempt to sprinkle a little of the ever-popular "Social" buzzword spice on what I'm doing, and that's because that's exactly what I'm doing. But the side benefit is that this site truly is about social editing. I put the stories out on this site so that you can read them, edit them (grammar-wise, spelling-wise, content-wise, and otherwise), and then vote on which stories belong in the book. Essentially, I'm the writer monkey-boy and you're the editor. Look at you, moving up in the world!

Yep.

I've delegated my administration of the site to Jeremy, so let him know and he'll get it fixed for everyone. Easiest way is probably to pm him on the forums, or email him, his info can be found on his profile page.