All I wanted was a power supply.

I pulled into the parking deck of Perimeter Mall with that one thing and ONLY that one thing on my mind. Park the truck. Get inside. Find the Apple store. Get a power supply. Get out.

Nothing could have been simpler... Saving, of course, that I didn't have to park the car, or go inside the mall, or find an Apple store... Or, perhaps, if I'd just remembered to bring the damn power supply with me when I'd left the house that morning.

It was a simple oversight on my part, really. And believe me, I'd done a great deal of bargaining with my laptop to avoid this situation - I offered to turn off its wireless card, I offered to turn off Bluetooth, I dimmed its display... But that wouldn't work for Mr. MacBook Pro. It wasn't in the mood to play with me. If I wanted to get any more than an hour's work done today, I would have to do the utterly distasteful - I'd have to go to the mall.

And that's why I was there, parking my truck - so that I could get inside, find the Apple Store, get the power supply, and get out. I had no time to waste - I'd already been on the road for an hour driving to my laywer's office, and I had to get my copy of the final draft of the Penguin Books contract to her for review before four o'clock that afternoon. It was already noon, I was already late meeting my lawyer lady, and the Penguin folks were already pissed that the contract wasn't there the day before. This book deal was a dream come true that was rapidly disappearing as I clumsily awoke to the reality that nothing ever works out in my life, and as I exited my truck, I swore that I wouldn't let that happen. I would just go into the mall, find the Apple store, get the power supply, and get out.

I strode with purpose as I entered the main entrance and began searching for the Apple store. My mind was filled with that one singular goal - I was to ignore how nice the cookies at the Great American Cookie Company smelled; I had to put out of my mind how great a cup of Starbucks Coffee would taste. I couldn't think about how I was desperately in need of some new Levi's as I passed Macy's - I had a mission. I had to find the Apple store, get the power supply, and get-- OUCH!

My shoe came off my heel much the way you would expect that it would after someone stepped on it from behind; taking with it a couple of layers of skin from the back of my Achilles tendon. Somewhere through the small throbs of blood that pounded in my ears, I heard "Oh, dude, I'm sorry" as I turned around to find out just what the hell impeded my forward progress.

I laid eyes on a shaggy blonde teenager wearing a tattered green shirt which said "Maine is the BEST!" in bright yellow letters. He had about six days of beard growth on his narrow jawline and an odd combination of embarrassment and delight written on his face. I winced as the bulk of the pain finally registered in my brain, and just as I did, I saw his hands fly up in front of his chest and face as he ducked back just a little.

"Its... It's okay," I said, accepting his earlier apology. I couldn't thinking of flinching animals that my wife has fostered who came from abusive households when I saw the way this kid reacted when I turned around.

"Seriously, I'm sorry," he said again, looking out from behind his raised palms. "My bad."

"No problem," I said, giving him a quick, forgiving smile as I turned back around and started walking, slightly wiggling my foot to slide my heel back into my shoe. I felt bad for the kid - He was probably not paying attention and just walked up the back of my leg. I've done the same kind of thing to people before, so it was really no big deal - besides, I had a mission to accomplish... I had to get to the Apple Store, get that damn power suppliaaaaaughhhhhh!!!!!!!

Again, I felt a hard rake down the back of my calf as my shoe leave my foot. I whipped back around to find the same kid standing behind me, the same hands thrown up in front of the same message t-shirt clad chest and stubble-covered chin.

"Oh, man... Dude!" he said, a little too apologetically. "I am SO sorry."

"Christ," I said, the small dart of pain creeping up my leg. "Jeez... Watch it, will you?"

"Sorry, man... Seriously, sorry!" he said. He smiled, nodded, and bowed submissively.

"Bah," I said, throwing my hand up and waving him off dismissively. I bent down to fix my shoe so that the heel-back was no longer caved into the sole. I pulled down my sock a bit to examine the back of my leg - there was a nice red mark and a bit of skin rubbed off, but no blood that I could see. Just a small rake mark.

"Wow, looks like I got you kinda good there," I heard from above me. I looked up to see the kid looking down at me, the shaggy mop on his head tilted slightly forward over his eyes.

"Yeah... Look, it's okay," I said, trying to get the kid to back off a bit and maybe just turn the other direction and go away. I pulled my sock straight, clicked my heel into my shoe, and began to stand up. Now, normally, when someone's standing over you and you begin to stand up, they will back away so that you can... You know... Get vertical. But for some reason, this kid just stayed put. It was a bit off-putting.

I lifted upward, but then stopped and backed up a step so as to avoid hitting him. He put his hands out and asked, "You okay? You need help getting up?"

"I'm fine," I replied. "It would have helped if you'd... You know... Moved..."

"Oh, my bad," He replied.

I stood there and looked at him for a moment. "... Whatever," I sighed, and began turning around to walk, when I spied with my little eye just the slightest little bit of black pinned to the underside of the collar of his shirt. I completed my one-eighty and began to take a step forward, when something dawned on me - I recognized that little speck of black.

I turned back around to confirm my thought. Just as I did, the kid walked directly into me, full-force.

"Hey, watch it!" I yelled, and pushed forward slightly with my forearms, brushing him back.

"Sorry, sorry!" He yelped, and took a few steps back. "I'm sorry... My bad!"

I watched him stumble and backpedal a bit, and my eyes immediately locked on the little black speck I'd noticed earlier on his collar. Suddenly, my negative found a positive and the small spark of an idea that had formed into my brain arced and jolted me as it connected. The very short time I'd spent doing video provided me with one truly indelible memory - the way a clip-on lavaliere microphone looks when it's clipped to someone's crappy message-ridden t-shirt.

I shook my head and chuckled as I began to scan the mall - yep, over behind the plants about 200 feet away was Camera 1, held by a lanky, brown-haired college-aged guy. I looked to my left a bit - near the Baby Gap stood Camera 2, manned by a kid wearing a similarly shaggy-mopped haircut as the kid standing in front of me. It all sunk in.

I smiled a bit and shook my head as I chuckled. "Okay... Okay... I get it. I get it." I waved at the guy, gave him one more smile, and turned to walk away from being the next victim of yet another stupid-kid-created copycat hidden-camera prank video.

Man, these kids... Well, actually, they were a bit better set up than some of the others I'd seen the past few years. There were some dorks in the park about three years ago videotaping themselves running head-first into port-o-potties... Then there were those morons at the Best Buy videoing themselves breaking in line in front of people at the day-after-Thanksgiving sale because they only needed batteries - which was actually pretty funny, but still...

Anyway, these kids had to have been funded somehow. Remote mics, two cameras... That stuff isn't too cheap. But even if they're just rich kids siphoning off their parents, It's still pretty amazing to see the empowerment that stupidity and the internet has given society these days. And really, if I were still a teenager, I'd probably be doing the same sort of SHHHHHHHIIIIITTTTTTT.... OWWWW!

I bent down and grabbed my leg. "Man, I'm sorry," the kid said as he threw up his cross-body arm shell and began backing away. He'd just stepped on the same leg, knocking off the heel of the same shoe, and making me the same pissed off... But this time, it wasn't from the pain.

"Okay, LOOK," I snapped through clinched teeth as I looked up at him. "I know what you're doing here, and really, I was fine with it up until right now."

"What do you mean, dude?" the kid said as he tilted his head to one side and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just really clumsy... I'm sorry..." He smirked a little, and I realized that he'd said that little line for the audio guys, because I saw Camera 1 laughing a little in the distance just after he said it.

"Dude," I said, standing up and taking a step toward him. "I know you're just emulating your comedic heroes on Jackass, or Dirty Sanchez, or Tom Green or whatever - but seriously, enough is enough."

"Dunno what you're talking about," he responded with a fake note of innocence.

I squinted my left eye and raised my right eyebrow, a la my grandfather. "Really," I stated.

"Yeah, really," he said, taking another step backward.

"Dude," I said, lifting my index finger, "There's your camera guys right there and there." I pointed to each of the cameramen. "You're wearing a mic," I noted, pointing to his chest. "Cut it out."

He kinda smirked, and then immediately returned to his innocent former self as he realized he was still ‘on'. "Dude, I'm sorry, really," He said again, taking another step backward.

"Fine," I said, shrugging and giving him a knowing chuckle. "Just... Knock it the fuck off, got it?"

"Sorry, man... Sorry," he said, and he began turning around as I did the same.

You know, I really was okay with it all. Sure, it was painful, and I was annoyed... But having just ended my extremely short tenure as one of the producers of a web-based "comedy" show, I knew what it was like to try and get something funny together, then try to nail the shots. It's hard - much harder than I'd ever imagined it could be. I also knew they were just kids having fun at my expense, and heaven knows that I've done PLENTY of that throughout my life. But really, today was NOT the day to do it. I had to get that contract back to my lawyer so she could send it over to Penguin - and in order to do that, I had to find that damn Apple store, get that power supply, and get ouuuuuuuuuuUUUUCHHHHHHH -- MOTHER FUCKER!!!!

I felt the sharp pain on the back of my leg. I felt my heel lift out of my shoe. I felt my knee bend slightly. I felt my right hand clinch into a fist. I felt my arm fly backward at great speed as I swung my hips around. I felt his jaw pop as my knuckles landed right on the tip of his stubbly chin.

I felt myself gasp as he hit the floor.

"Ohmygod! Ohmygod!" the lanky brown-haired kid yelled as he ran up to our location, his video camera attached to and dangling from his hand. "What the hell, dude?"

"What the hell do you mean, ‘What the hell?'" I said, furrowing my brow. "I told him to knock it off!"

"Dude, not cool!" he replied as he knelt down to attend to his friend.

Their buddy on Camera 2 came running up, yelling all the while. "Why'd you have to hit him?!?" the shaggy blond cameraman said as he trotted up.

"He stepped on my damn leg four times in a row!" I said, throwing my hands in the air. "I told him to stop!"

"Yeah, but you didn't have to HIT him!" the brunette said, taking attention away from his friend momentarily.

"He didn't have to step on me!" I replied.

"Come on, man!" the blonde said. "He's 19... You're, like... Huger than him!"

"Yeah," I replied, filled with testosterone and completely self-defensive, "That's why I warned him!"

The prankster splayed across the hard tile of the mall floor began to stir as the blonde holding the camera turned to look for what I presumed was a bit of help. He didn't have to look far - apparently, the ruckus caught the attention of a couple of Perimeter Mall security guards, who were speed-walking to the scene.

"Oh, YOU guys," the rather hefty, squattish woman said as her partner circled around to the back of us.

"Didn't we tell you not to come back last time?" The male of the security pair said; his voice somewhat strained from the tightness of the collar of the ill-fitting security shirt that struggled to keep itself buttoned around him.

"Yeah, but..." The brunette cameraman said as his once knocked-out buddy stood up, "This guy - he just attacked our friend!" He lifted his camera hand and pointed it somewhat in my direction.

"Is this true, sir?" the female said as the male began talking into the lapel microphone of his walkie-talkie.

"Well..." I stammered. "Like... I mean... They started it!"

"It was an accident!" the blonde kid who stepped on me said.

"Four times in a row?!?" I barked.

"Alright, enough!" the lady security guard said. "All four of you - you're coming with us until we get this sorted out."

"Shit..." I muttered. "Look - I just came here to get one item, I wasn't looking for any trouble..."

"Well, you found some, it looks like," She replied.

A squawk came from the male guard's walkie talkie. "Ten four," he replied, then turned his head to face his partner. "They're on the way."

"Alright, let's go," she ordered, ushering us forward with her walkie talkie in hand.

I sighed heavily and began following the mall cops - but not before letting the three pranksters go in front of me... I'd had enough heel-stepping for the day.

We arrived to the Perimeter Mall Security Office to find several other uniform-clad mall cops puttering about. Every single one of them wore an aire of false superiority, giving us all an evil eye that said simply and plainly that they'd all detain us and wait for the real cops to arrive at a moment's notice.

We all sat in hard red plastic chairs, avoiding eye contact with one another. The mall cops confiscated the video cameras from their freshly-nabbed perps and demanded identification from each of us. I reluctantly provided them with my drivers' license and crossed my legs as I waited patiently for an anvil to fall through the ceiling to crush my head and finally end my misery once and for all.

"Asshole," I heard one of the kids mutter as the security guard walked away from him.

"Fuck... This SUCKS," the blonde cameraman muttered.

"Yeah... My dad's going to KILL me," the blonde heel-walker replied.

I simply chuckled, having been there and done that at least two hundred times.

"Man... You know, this is YOUR fault," I heard from my right. It was the brown-haired cameraman and he was addressing yours truly.

I squinted and pointed at my chest, silently inquiring if he did, in fact, mean me, or if he was just wall-eyed and stupid. He nodded and said "Yeah... You shouldn't have hit him!"

"Look," I said, trying to maintain the level-headedness I'd recently fought to gain, "You guys need to understand - you went WAY too far."

"It was just a prank, you dick!" the blonde heel-walker said.

"Yeah - and after you were warned, you kept doing it," I replied. "You're a fucking moron if you honestly thought this would end well."

"Well, whatever," the kid replied, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm totally pressing charges... You're, like, king-sized and shit. You shouldn't have hit me."

My gut sank through the bottom of the chair - I knew deep down that I was in the right here, but some part of me couldn't help but feel that impending sense of dread that comes from hearing someone tell you that they are "totally pressing charges."

"Okay, well..." I said, trying to stay cool, "You do what you gotta do..."

"Oh, I will," he said, wearing the cloak of confidence that his friends' presence gave him.

Eventually, the real cops arrived. There were interviews, and there were reviews of the tape, and there were demands that they "haul that big dude off to jail for assault!" And all of it was extremely gut-wrenching for me, who was just sitting in a hard-ass plastic chair watching the minutes fly by - and with them, the chances that my book deal was going to actually go through.

One of the officers came over to me, holding a clipboard with what I presumed was my drivers' license clamped to one side of it. "Mr Peacock?" he said, looking down at me.

I nodded.

"We've seen the videos... Unless you have anything to add or want to press charges, you're free to go," he said, handing me my license back.

I was dumbfounded. "Uh... Really?"

He nodded.

"Huh..." I said. "No... I don't really have anything to add, and I'm not pressing any sort of charges..."

"Great," he said, "Have a good day." He turned on his heel and walked back to the other side of the room.

I sat there bewildered for a moment. This was by FAR the shortest interaction I'd ever had with the police in my entire life... And even though I was somewhat confused as to why I wasn't really called on to give my version of events, I was even more relieved that I wasn't going to end up in jail... Or worse. Besides, I guess the entire thing was on video - with full audio, even - so there wasn't much else to add.

I looked at my watch as I walked out of the Perimeter Mall Security Office - it was nearly two-thirty!! I only had an hour and a half to review that contract, get it out, and make my lawyer and Penguin happy. I rushed out of the mall and into the parking deck, leaped into my truck, and began to high-tail it to the nearest Starbucks Coffee to get to work. Just as I reached the lift-gate to exit the parking deck, it hit me:

I forgot to get the power supply.

"SHIT!" I yelled, slamming my fist on the steering wheel. I realized immediately that I had a mission: Park the truck. Get inside the Mall. Don't punch anyone. Find the Apple store. Don't punch anyone. Get the power supply. Don't punch anyone. Get out.