Part 7 - 5 Seconds Before
“She looks like the real thing... She tastes like the real thing...” Radiohead, Fake Plastic Trees
I couldn't believe what was coming out of me.
I was literally stunned, unable to move as the words flew involuntarily out of my mouth. The air was no longer cold. I couldn't hear the ocean; I was unaware of my feet as they rocked gently back and forth in the crystalline sand mixed with a light dusting of snow. I stood there frozen in time, analyzing the events of the past few minutes. I didn't even remember that my arms crisscrossed her chest as I held her from behind. The smell of her hair, the heat of her breath as it billowed in small clouds out of her nose and onto my hand... All of these things were completely gone, removed from my cognizant faculties. The only thing I was aware of is the fact that I was saying everything I had ever dreamed of saying to someone - anyone - in this situation.
"It's so very cold right now," I said to her just moments ago, "Yet I am feeling very warm... You are everything that I never knew I always dreamed of." I couldn't feel her heartbeat quicken as the words began coming faster and faster, hushed and hurried on the wings of my breath. "Do you know that, when you look at me, it’s salvation? I've been waiting for you so long... There's nothing you could say or do to drive me from you. I know what haunts you. I know what you've been hiding from. At night, I will protect you in your dreams. I will be your guardian against your demons. It's very hard for me to say these things in your presence... Your physical being shuts me down, causes me to question myself and my thoughts. Please don't go away from me... please don't disappear from me. I..."
I had left it right there for a few seconds. I did not feel her head twist to the right and lean back to look at me. I didn't feel her warm exhalations move from my hand to my chin. I didn't realize she was staring hard at me, silently awaiting the completion of the sentence. I didn't remember looking into her eyes. I didn't remember sighing. I simply awoke - and realized that there were three more words waiting to come out.
So I let them.
"I love you."
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