Neotek is the genius behind the amazingly fun and addictive game / chatroom hybrid site StickFight. Those nutty Aussies... They have the greatest stories.

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I recently managed to score some contract work at the Western Mining Corporation's Olympic Dam Operation, one of the largest and most profitable mines in Australia, and probably one of the biggest uranium mines in the world.

I was scheduled to begin my induction period at the beginning of August, which would continue for three days and for which I would be paid (double-time, too, because it bled into the weekend).

The job seemed perfect -- 12 hours days for 13 days straight, with the bulk of those 12 hours spent sitting down watching people go in and out of holes and reading books.

Of course, I would have to shower in the communal shower block at the end of each day to wash the goddamn radioactive dust from my body to avoid getting cancer, but I figured a little bit of cancer and 30 days of showering with naked men were a small price to pay to make the roughly $450 a day I'd be earning.

And so the scene was set for an epic adventure.

I arrived at camp one (where the inductions were to be held) feeling optimistic that the day might bring knowledge, education, and untold wealth.

Instead, to cut a long story short, I got a stomach cramp and needed to shit so badly that I thought I might die right there in the middle of the hastily constructed training theatre, with my hands clutching my ass in a desperate bid to hold back the tides of human fecal matter that were doing their best to force their way into my superman underpants.

Unfortunately, the only toilet in the place was a shitty little double-sided portacabin which had no doors and which the girls had decided to gather around during break time.

This meant that in order to successfully take the biggest shit of my life, I had to skillfully pick the perfect moment in time, when nobody was anywhere near the fucking portacabin, so nobody would be forced to be a part of what was sure to be a traumatic event for everybody involved.

Of course, I totally fucked it up, and had my pants around my ankles just in time for some big fat lumbering son of a bitch to come into the portacabin to use the fucking piss trough. I suppose he thought that seeing as we'd be showering naked together soon enough it wouldn't matter what else happened between us.

Unable to contain the poo any longer, I let go one of the most unholy, stinkiest turds known to man. Before I had even pinched it off the whole fucking cabin and a ten metre zone around it stunk like the dead prostitute under my bed, and small animals began to fall from the trees, gasping for pure, life-saving oxygen.

Now, looking a man in the eye after you've done something like that infront of them is a difficult thing, so I completely avoided that asshole for the rest of the day and, I hoped, for the rest of my life.

Of course, it transpires that our lockers are right next to each other, and so we'll be seeing each other twice a day on a regular basis for at least the next month.

Funny old thing, life.

PS: I received my cheque for the induction period today. $800. And all I had to do was take a big shit and spend three days drinking cheap coffee.

[NOTE : I wrote this as an entry on my blog (blog.disorganisedcrime.com) but figured you guys would get a laugh out of it as well. it might be a little crude for the Mentally Incontinent audience (HAH! YAH, RIGHT - J). I hope you enjoyed it!]